Weariness Wears Out the Soul

Every morning the routine begins- the sounding of the alarm, lunches to be made, laundry to fold, dishes to put away, and in the depths of my heart a longing to get away – away from the hustle of life – the hurt of some fresh wounds, but mostly A-WAY back to simpler times.

As I take a trip down memory lane, most of my concerns of the past often led to worrisome ways, but as I look from here to there, they had a simplicity wrapped around them. Simplicity that was masked back then, by more month than money, things that broke in groups of three, and kids that did not come with instruction manuals.

I definitely did not have the wisdom to know those days were simpler times. They appeared complicated with questions such as-how do I stay up with a screaming newborn that I wish had words to tell me what she needed, so we could call it a wrap for the night. And how in the world do I explain to my little person of the opposite sex that you pee in the toilet, not the trash can, located next to that thing with a handle.

Time flies when you’re having fun, cleaning permanent marker off the walls – walls that your four year old used to connect a line of infinity stretching from one wall to the next. A line drawn without leaving a gap between any of the little chubby fingers of his sister’s hands that were wrapped ever so tightly around the edge of the crib. I can still hear the sounds of her squealing, as she jumped up and down, as if to cheer him on to the finish line that stopped in a bathroom, around a door knob with a perfectly drawn smiley face. The only thing left out of his masterpiece were the words ta da! His artistic expression was complete! The obstacle that appeared to consume that day long ago; how do you get permanent marker off textured walls and chubby fingers?

As I play the footage of my simpler days, I find myself dazed at how fast those years flew by, and how many of those simplistic days were spent worrying about the days that were to come. How many moments did I miss, unaware of God’s goodness in the midst of the magical marker or the chaos clatter?

Nineteen years later, I am met eye to eye with two of God’s finest creations that call me mom. I laugh (and shed a few tears of relief) when I rewind those days of long ago, and realize looking back – time has a way of showing this mother the wisdom she’s gained through many tears, trials and time-outs.

Today, I’m not explaining marker use is for paper only, or that toilets serve a purpose greater than metal trashcans. No, today, I am explaining (or should I say God is explaining) to this weary momma’s heart that life is to be lived to the fullest, kids are to be loved unconditionally, and hands and hearts are meant to be opened, to let go and release those precious treasures that call me mom.

As I am forced into this new season, ready or not, I hear an all too familiar voice calling me to surrender all that I am, and all that I hold close to my heart. Surrendering everything big and small to a God that holds everything (even those teenage babies) in the palm of his big old hand. He promises me, there is nothing, no one, not anything that has the power to separate us from His love.

Life is short-and that’s not a catchy phrase as I have come to learn. Life is simply short, and intended to be lived with purpose – even if you’re changing diapers, dragging a toddler’s limp body down the grocery store aisle, or waving to that teen driving away-life is meant to live- TODAY.

I find myself wishing I could rewind time; scooping my babies up, on each hip-to look them in the eye and tell them all those things I might have neglected to say due to my skewed perception of time back then. If only we as parents could have re-dos, like we have re-takes for tests in school – oh the lessons I would polish and perfect. But, there is no rewind button for this motion picture of life, but there is a play and record button that is capturing TODAY. I get to decide what this clip of film will depict – my weariness that leads to worry from life’s ever-changing seasons, or my worship of God’s grandest gifts, often displayed in the simplest of forms.

I needed a reminder (and maybe you do too)-I don’t know how many days I have here on earth, or what trials may test my faith on any given day. But TODAY, I am promised provision for my daily needs, and the breath of GRACE… simply for TODAY.

Weariness leads to excessive worry of the future, but WORSHIP leads to the way, the truth and the life!